One of my biggest pet peeves that I’ve discovered lately is that when I admit to someone that I don’t believe I want to spend my life with someone or have a family with someone, they say:
“Oh, you’ll find someone.”
“You’ll change your mind.”
“You’re still young.”
The concern has never been about not finding someone. I don’t spend night after night alone on my couch thinking “Oh woe is me, I don’t have someone to sit here romantically with.”
It’s because I want to be alone. It’s because I am completely and utterly happy and content on my own.
It’s because I’ve realized that I have never been happier in my entire life than I am right now, since accepting that I’m better on my own.
Of course there’s always the opportunity for that to change, I’ve never said that there’s not. I just don’t believe, right now, that the possibility of that happening is likely. I’ve tried dating, I’ve tried meeting new people. And I’ve come to see that I just don’t have a concern with connecting with someone beyond friendship. I don’t really want to let anyone else into my life like that.
The emotional bond that I would share with someone while in a relationship? I get that from my friends. Honestly, I do. And that’s all I want.
Sure, I still try to meet new people. But who doesn’t enjoy meeting new people? Who doesn’t enjoy expanding their group of acquaintances and friends?
I do still find quite a few people that capture my attention. But after hanging out once or twice, I fully register that the necessary drive isn’t there for me. I always feel guilty when I begin to pick up on someone being more interested in me than I am in them. Because what am I supposed to say? “Oh yeah, still trying to just get out there and meet people even though I really don’t have the intention of getting into anything serious”? People hate that.
Why can’t people just be happy for you? Why can’t someone hear you say “I’m so happy on my own, I don’t think that I want to be with anyone”, and respond with “I’m so happy that you’re happy and have realized that’s what you want for your life!” Why do they feel the need to tell you that you’ll change? That you’ll meet ‘the right person’?
Why does an end goal for me have to be ending up with someone?
Why can’t it just be accepted that there is a very strong potential that I’ll spend my life single? And that’s it’s because I want to, rather than because I can’t find someone?
“Oh but what if you decide you want to have a family?”
Uh, hello. It’s the 21st century. There’s ways to accomplish that on my own if I so desire.
Stop making people feel bad for the choices they make for their lives that have literally no effect on yours. If my mother, who may never get a son-in-law or grandchildren (beyond granddogs) from me can fully understand and accept that, then so can you.
Biomechanical Mountains 